So I have given up the idea that Jack will be focused on his own healing. I have to remind him and I meet much resistance for anything that takes an effort without immediate gratification. He is still extremely angry with me for withholding the truck keys and I have no intention of changing my mind on this matter. He has been inattentive, made bad decisions where he scared himself and he has gotton lost in our neighborhood. He often does not know where we are even if we go there daily. Those things added to the things he doesn't remember every day and my decision is final.
We had words again yesterday about his exercise that the Chiro wants him to do. Simple thing of hanging his head off the end of the bed for 2+ minutes at a time to change the neck curve and retrain the muscles that were curling downward. He insists it gives him a headache to do it more than once at a time. Having been with him multitudous times at the chiro when he does it 3-4 times at once for 2+ minutes I found that to be merely an excuse and disregarded it and pushed him to try to do it 3X per day for 3X of 2+ minutes each time. You would have thought I asked him for an organ. No way and he was mad and screamed "Shut your mouth" at me. I did.
But the rest of the evening was taken over with my thoughts. I stayed quiet and he got normal again telling me how much he loves me and so forth. I do not doubt that but I needed to ask God how to go about this "caring for Jack" project. "Maybe I need to change my focus?" I thought.
I got my answer this morning in my devotional time but I made a decision last night that will help me to focus differently. Even now that I am the main decision maker in the home and responsible for much that goes on I cannot forget that I am important regardless of the duties I perform and I need to focus on keeping myself mentally and physically and spiritually healthy. I cannot do him any good or respond well if he is what every day is about. So ...I got up at 5 AM and got dressed in my exercise clothes. I went to 24/7 and did 20 minutes cardio and 20 minutes resistance then went home, took a shower, and did devotions for 45 minutes before I began the laundry/breakfast/ordering the day on the white board and so forth routine.
I am sinking like a rock at 12:40 PM at the office so decided to write for awhile and then go drink gallons of water. I have every intention of getting into the physical routine somehow 2X per day. The dogs need playing with and brushing and I need to stop being accessible at every moment. Jack may never decide to do his exercises but I have decided to do mine.
It is strange to me how his mind works now but I am trying to take the times he is unfair and give them up to God cheerfully. God is working in me through this and I want to be thankful and accepting of the lesson. The other day Jack said he was sorry he hadn't walked with me back when I was asking him to and he still could. I do not want to have regrets though mine would be for being impatient with him now. So readers pray for us in this strange Jackdango dance we find ourselves doing. Steps may change but the tempo needs to stay upbeat!