Thursday, January 28, 2010

Hard Times at Pink Shutter Cottage

We sign on for marriage and know things will not be perfect or even idealic but we march forward expecting to handle what comes together. It has been a downhill slide for the last 4 years and we haven't bottomed out but certainly have hit a few upsets and bumps.

This disease that affects Jack's balance and decision making processes is wicked. He is losing his ability to use his hands and control his mouth when eating. It is hard to watch. I want to help him maintain dignity and pride but it is impossible.

We went to Fridays for supper with Pam W last night as her treat and it was so bad I was contemplating never eating out again. Don't get me wrong the food was good and the service was fine it was just the managing of our handicap. Jack had a rough walk in and was tired. He had to use the bathroom alone as it just wasn't possible for me to go in with him. I was glad the lights were low in the place and no one could see the wet on him.

The bathroom was far from the booth and he was cross after much walking taking nearly an hour or so to get in and actually order. I couldn't see the menu but Pam interpreted and we ordered. Our waitress was a sweet oriental gal with an accent. She mistook Jack and I for another couple and treated us like old favorite customers. That was the upside. Jack did manage to eat the Crispy Fried Green Beans and dipped them eagerly into the horseradish sauce which he enjoyed but eating is difficult and he only made it through half his burger and gave up. I drove the car to the door and Pam helped him out so we got in okay finally and headed for home.

I phoned Jenna to let Piggy out as it had taken us long and she brought Mike over and they waited to help us in. Praise God as Jack was stumbling and going sideways he was all in and over it. He had yelled at me several times in Fridays from his irritation and frustration but more was coming as I stripped him down to get his jammies on. He thought I was manhandling him. He only likes gentle and slow treatment. I am not always in that groove. I was so done.

He had enjoyed being with Pam and commented that she hadn't forgotton how to talk. I laughed and said "Good thing as I have little to talk about!" and he agreed. We both enjoy her love of life. Our own lives are on peat and repeat these days except for the not so slow decline in his abilities and the not so slow acceleration of my stress.

So what does the future hold? Spring for sure. I wait and keep waiting for spring to come.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

"Get a Life!"

As I focus on what I like and what I want to change about my current situation and the way my days are spent I find that my prayers have been fewer since I went down to help Suzanne with her burden. Oh, I still pray but I am dog tired and undone by bedtime when I am there. I throw my prayers toward heaven. Morning comes and if it has been a good night I have only awakened twice and if a bad one then as many as you can imagine even once an hour. Tisha is stirring and work is looming and I feel as if I must handle it all. Well, that is done. I prayed for relief and a friend prayed for a reduction of my hours. It soon will happen and I can taste it. I do not want to waste it.
I purchased a food processor today and for Christmas got myself a pressure cooker. I have a new rice cooker I have only used little. These and repairs to my car are my luxury and my way of making the future better. I have known that I must go on the anti-inflamatory diet for pain reduction. I cannot be at Suzanne's and do it. Last night she purchased two kinds of bakery cookies, one frosted, two kinds of bars lemon and chocolate mint and nutty donut sticks. Then she made popcorn...loaded with butter and cheesy salty stuff...I ate one cookie and a half donut plus my split pea soup. I later ate almonds instead of the popcorn and limited myself to about 18 of them.
I was out of pain once after being on my candida diet which is similar to the anti-inflammation diet. The main grain is brown rice with occasional other non-gluten things and not much of that. You eat lots of veggies, very little fruit (blueberries in moderation and raw), and healthy non-antibiotic treated meats. You limit the nightshade veggies (potatoes/eggplant) and eat a lot of greens and other vegetables. I am girding up to do this again and hope that I do not find any sabotage. I have tomorrow off to take down the tree and free up my island again. Then Sunday thru Thurs are mine to actually accomplish the kitchen cleanse! I am looking forward to it and also to having time to pray again. I will try to blog both my successes and my failures and covet encouragment.
My most recent joys have been holding my grandson and watching my grandaughter use her vivid imagination. I also loved watching the videos my kids post on fb so I can glimpse the grands that are so far away. My heart is broken but perhaps that is common for caretakers and grammas that are far away from their chance to hold and read to their grands.
I look forward to spring. This time is a testing and a growing time. Spring will come.