Thursday, February 28, 2008

Looks like it is done.

It was sometimes good. Mostly it was what I felt I was supposed to be doing, managing the church office and praying for and with people, helping those who needed it when it was possible and supporting the pastor and his family. Well... it has unraveled and I truly do not know why. I don't want to give too much weight to the enemy or his curses so I come back to maybe God is letting this happen. Yes the enemy wants to squelch the church and drive it to nothing. I look at all those who have left. Are they better off? No. Absolutely not and what is now going to happen to me? It is a real dilemma. I wait to hear from God and He gives me Psalm 11. I am righteous in Christ. I love God and want to serve Him. I am so less than rather than more than but I keep on and never really quit. It is my shining quality I guess. I have compassion and forgive the things others cannot seem to. I recall the covenants I have signed. I am so less than but I have hung on. Now He may take me out to work somewhere else or not. I could get something I like maybe. I have had other jobs that were okay. Maybe a summer job somewhere in the Dells...maybe anything but my heart is not ready for this. I will bounce back. I always do. I have begged and pleaded for God to direct me and He gives me Psalm 11. I cannot fly like a bird to His mountain when my enemies surround me with their bows aiming arrow at me. Which way to go? Which thing to pursue? God help me find my way. This is not just pragmatic, business as usual for me. This is my life and pleasing God matters most. I want to love what He loves and hate what He hates. I want to do the right thing. What is right?
Those that left have abandoned ship. Is is truly sinking or does it need a new crew? Tell me Lord. How do we spread the gospel and touch the hurting with healing. This is America but people here will die and go to hell. It takes 85 people to get one saved...stats so to get Reedsburg saved...the 80% that are not is like 7000 times 85. So much for statistics. I have been so wrapped up in church that I do not know the hurt and dying. I need a lesson in anti christianeze and just get out there and do it. Where do you want me to go Lord? I want to get out of debt and stay healthy too. I want to lose the weight that drags me down and hurts me. I want to find the way for me to go, the way that is best and that Holy Spirit guides me down. Help Lord.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Come steal away with me...

These days my "fun" is mostly in my head and in small moments caught. A "cuppa" here perhaps with a friend or a magazine or a "story" I can sink into for a chapter there or even once in awhile a DVD that I know will transport me to a place I can find something special to experience. I find that reading blogs with the pretties often presented and the words that accompany someones thoughts and form pictures in the readers head. Sigh! I have been transported for a good part of the weekend here with my babies to watch and dishes to wash. I do these things with joy but still the moments I steal when they are busy or asleep before I throw myself into a bit of housekeeping for another, these moments are precious and what an adventure! Visit some on my list and find whimsey or beauty or a new thought to stroke... Have a cuppa with me from a distance and we can share the moments somehow.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Swamp walking...

I am an elder. I have survived my 61 years with God's help and am in the fray as a seasoned veteran of getting through the maze of things designed to take me out. Do you not see the maze?
The medical community though indeed may be individually pristeen and above board but as a whole is a swamp of critters designed to make the industry money and the peons who support it addicted and sickly. The world view is there to tell us God is gone or stupid or vain or out of touch with the new reality. The push is to get us in debt beyond our means then addicted and divided from anything that could save us. I have not escaped wounding. I have a debt that will take me years to bring down without a miracle or some sort. I did not pay attention to the forerunners of the natural heath movement and alternative medicine. I played outside the gate and ran every risk but then at the last moment would hear the siren going off in my head and go for the security of avoiding the status quo, the planned demise of whatever was good or healthy of full of life. So now I spend what money I can on supplements and organic foods and I try to avoid the pitfalls in the murky swamp of heading out of the valley and up the mountain of freedom. Can I ever be truly free? Yes, I can even as free as those prisoners of war who were at the mercy of their captors but never lost the freedom of their mind and their spirit. They could be killed but they couldn't be broken. So that is my mantra to come out of the 60's of my life better than I went in. Watch me try.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Reflections on another loss...

This week we at the church received two letters of resignation from members who felt God is moving them on. Here we are in a fight against the devil to keep the church going and to perhaps keep me employed to do the work that needs done but the fact is the church has suffered from a divisive spirit for a long time. Is this divisive or is this God? Good question and I do not for sure have the answer. It seems like a blow at first but maybe it is totally okay in the grand scheme of things. God knows I don't!
One of the families who left were particularly dear to me as I mentored the wife for years. Looking back on this last year I see her dissatisfaction and their growing need for something else, an unwillingness to do anything at all that required some energy or time or money. So the division spread perhaps to her. I guess she was bitten by the same snake that bit others. Or maybe it just wasn't a good fit anymore for her and her family. Do I have great insight? Maybe not, maybe so...
I saw her since then and was able to look at her and accept that they are gone and still love her dearly. I, however, have no time to regret or grieve as I must just go forward. Basically this is my life. Take it on the chin, allow yourself to feel the pain then regroup and go forward to the best of your ability. I am doing that in my marriage, my home, with my kids, in the church which is by the way my social structure as well as my place of work and where I worship and serve God. Does this loss just plain stink? Yes.... it does but do I have time to sulk? No. Upward and onward to the high calling of God.
What is next? I hope signs and wonders and miracles with many salvations. I hope new energy levels for me and a way to make a living that works and will help me pay down my debt and have some to give away. Continued divine appointments with the Holy Spirit guiding me...lives rebuilt and hearts changed and made new by the power of Jesus Christ. Do I miss those who got tired and wanted their needs filled? Yes, a bit of course. I love them but I release them to God's design and plan and I turn from the window as they walk away and go about the calling on my life. Let each of us work out our salvation with fear and trembling. I want to love what God loves and hate what God hates and keep on growing and serving on the way to becoming an overcomer. Thats all folks!

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Friday, February 8, 2008

8 Reasons it is good to be "Moi"!

I read Brenda's blog at Coffee Tea Books and Me and was officially tagged by reading it. So here goes:

1.) I have been a Christian for 33 years (nearly) and my life has never been dull or without purpose and meaning since that time. It still has all the ups and downs of life but with the addition of Jesus Christ as King, Lord, Friend, Savior, Provider, Protector, Healer, and the one who loves me most. Can't beat that!
2.) I have a husband of 33 years and 4 great kids who are now adults. Two of the kids are married and provided me with two smart and loveable daughter-in-laws and then I was graced with 3 precious grandkids who are smart and adorable and I am captivated by them.
3.)God blessed me by stretching the stakes of my tent and I have two adult added kids by virtue of his blessing, Brandy and Anthony. I also have 4 grafted in grandkids...Josh, Lizzie, Micah and pastor's kids. I have also Tisha, Karah, Jordan and "Godkids" and Metrie who is a foster that I want to bless. My quiver is full but God keeps adding!
4.) I have some good and precious lifelong friends...Jeanne, Bonnie, Pam, Sue, Pastor are just a few of them and some in the making now...some will be for a season but some are eternal friends. Making friends is like a weaving project where one is the warp and one the waft...God weaves us together...
5.)I am whimsical and love quirky things. I don't have to go far to find reasons to be happy. I even like myself now that sin doesn't rule me any longer!
6.) I know that I am called to where I am and what I am doing despite the hardships that come with this call. I have been used to help people find freedom from Bondage. It rocks to see them free!
7.) I love music and writing and reading and tea and cooking and entertaining and serving others through hospitality and I find meaning in all this activity even though my identity is in the quiet times with Jesus who fuels my service to others. I love life even in the times where there is no relief from the pain.
8.) I have two dogs who I live with and I really like dogs as they are so forgiving and loyal. I would have more if I could justify it...
Anyone who reads this please leave a comment with a blogsite address and then consider yourself tagged!