It was sometimes good. Mostly it was what I felt I was supposed to be doing, managing the church office and praying for and with people, helping those who needed it when it was possible and supporting the pastor and his family. Well... it has unraveled and I truly do not know why. I don't want to give too much weight to the enemy or his curses so I come back to maybe God is letting this happen. Yes the enemy wants to squelch the church and drive it to nothing. I look at all those who have left. Are they better off? No. Absolutely not and what is now going to happen to me? It is a real dilemma. I wait to hear from God and He gives me Psalm 11. I am righteous in Christ. I love God and want to serve Him. I am so less than rather than more than but I keep on and never really quit. It is my shining quality I guess. I have compassion and forgive the things others cannot seem to. I recall the covenants I have signed. I am so less than but I have hung on. Now He may take me out to work somewhere else or not. I could get something I like maybe. I have had other jobs that were okay. Maybe a summer job somewhere in the Dells...maybe anything but my heart is not ready for this. I will bounce back. I always do. I have begged and pleaded for God to direct me and He gives me Psalm 11. I cannot fly like a bird to His mountain when my enemies surround me with their bows aiming arrow at me. Which way to go? Which thing to pursue? God help me find my way. This is not just pragmatic, business as usual for me. This is my life and pleasing God matters most. I want to love what He loves and hate what He hates. I want to do the right thing. What is right?
Those that left have abandoned ship. Is is truly sinking or does it need a new crew? Tell me Lord. How do we spread the gospel and touch the hurting with healing. This is America but people here will die and go to hell. It takes 85 people to get one saved...stats so to get Reedsburg saved...the 80% that are not is like 7000 times 85. So much for statistics. I have been so wrapped up in church that I do not know the hurt and dying. I need a lesson in anti christianeze and just get out there and do it. Where do you want me to go Lord? I want to get out of debt and stay healthy too. I want to lose the weight that drags me down and hurts me. I want to find the way for me to go, the way that is best and that Holy Spirit guides me down. Help Lord.