Friday, January 9, 2009


I must admit that my home is not completely comfortable for me. Maybe no home is but the fact is I am really just living out each day in hopes that it will somehow get easier. I watch for ideas that would bring about a better resolve.
The house is too small. Jenna has more classes and she needs quiet at all times. When she is sleeping, working, reading, on the computer and when watching television. Her desk is in the living room and she does homework 24-7 when at home. She does do occasional other things but the fact is homework is pressing on her constantly. If only we had a room for her with a door. I am so cognizant of the limitations of the house.
We are all so different. Jenna hates bright lights. I tend to like them. I like the sound of the dogs nails on the tiles. I like to wear heels that click or clack on tiles. I actually used to put metal tips on the heels of all my boots. Now moccasins are fine for creeping though the woods after glimpses of animals but I am able to rock out to loud music and clink a spoon and slam a door. I sing and wail and cry loud. Life is in technicolor for me and also stereo! I do not like music on while I sleep. I like silence at night but nightlights to mark my path and Jack's to the bathroom and the water glass. We are all so different.
Jack needs to exercise more as he is getting weaker. It is only possible for him to go to the bathroom from the bedroom or the kitchen table at present. It will be possible for him to go into the living room and around the circle also when Jenna is in school. She does have 14 credits and many of them are 1 or 2 credit classes. She also will be working 14 hours a week at the school. She is trying very hard to get her area cleaned up and spruced up so it will be more orderly and useable. Jenna does want Jack to exercise more. We just need to make it possible.
My personal area is trashed since Christmas and I desperately need time to do all that is in my mind to do. I feel so stressed and irritated. I need alone time. I want to start an eating program and exercise program and initiate a budget that is trackable. All this takes time. I feel like I am running in circles with the responsibilites and the daily curves that come my way. Whew!
Now this brings up a question that has been brought to my attention. Is blogging like journaling?
Why am I writing this out for the blogworld to read? I am real and real problems happen and I need to get my thinking wrapped around the problems so I can see a way through to walk a solution or stretch my thinking to accept the way things have to be until a change can happen.
I am not mad at anyone or trying to renig on anything I agreed to do. I do need to assess how it is working and if it is still equitable. That is always a constant flux. It goes on in marriages, parenting and friendships but oh my how it goes on in complex situations of mixed and unmeasureable committment!
So, is it acceptable for a blogger to air their personal struggles on the net? Yes, in my personal opinion. I am accusing no one... only working out my thinking. I like to follow reality shows so this is a reality blog. Get over it if you disagree. It only takes a click to move to a more desireable site.
Am I in hopes someone not associated with my or my personal life will happen on this blog and have a word of wisdom? Miracles happen so it could happen but actually what I love about writing this blog is the insight it gives me when I go back and re-read it. Sometimes I get that illusive aha moment. Now that makes it all worth it!
Excuse me while I turn up the volume and turn on all the lights. I feel like dancing here in the southland where I have some space to move! I will continue to blog and dance and sing. I will survive!

1 comment:

Jamie Willow said...

I like your picture at the top of the blog. so pretty!

blogs are good places to reflect for sure. you have always been a writer so of course it is a good way for you to process things.

love you