We sign on for marriage and know things will not be perfect or even idealic but we march forward expecting to handle what comes together. It has been a downhill slide for the last 4 years and we haven't bottomed out but certainly have hit a few upsets and bumps.
This disease that affects Jack's balance and decision making processes is wicked. He is losing his ability to use his hands and control his mouth when eating. It is hard to watch. I want to help him maintain dignity and pride but it is impossible.
We went to Fridays for supper with Pam W last night as her treat and it was so bad I was contemplating never eating out again. Don't get me wrong the food was good and the service was fine it was just the managing of our handicap. Jack had a rough walk in and was tired. He had to use the bathroom alone as it just wasn't possible for me to go in with him. I was glad the lights were low in the place and no one could see the wet on him.
The bathroom was far from the booth and he was cross after much walking taking nearly an hour or so to get in and actually order. I couldn't see the menu but Pam interpreted and we ordered. Our waitress was a sweet oriental gal with an accent. She mistook Jack and I for another couple and treated us like old favorite customers. That was the upside. Jack did manage to eat the Crispy Fried Green Beans and dipped them eagerly into the horseradish sauce which he enjoyed but eating is difficult and he only made it through half his burger and gave up. I drove the car to the door and Pam helped him out so we got in okay finally and headed for home.
I phoned Jenna to let Piggy out as it had taken us long and she brought Mike over and they waited to help us in. Praise God as Jack was stumbling and going sideways he was all in and over it. He had yelled at me several times in Fridays from his irritation and frustration but more was coming as I stripped him down to get his jammies on. He thought I was manhandling him. He only likes gentle and slow treatment. I am not always in that groove. I was so done.
He had enjoyed being with Pam and commented that she hadn't forgotton how to talk. I laughed and said "Good thing as I have little to talk about!" and he agreed. We both enjoy her love of life. Our own lives are on peat and repeat these days except for the not so slow decline in his abilities and the not so slow acceleration of my stress.
So what does the future hold? Spring for sure. I wait and keep waiting for spring to come.