It was a good day here!

I awakened first at 4 to Tisha banging her gate hard and then harder with her head. By 5:30 she had the bottom free so I toddled over quietly and relocked it and said a quiet "Leave it" to her. She bagan to cry but not with horrible intensity. After a 10 minute attempt to get me to come back, crying and then listening, Suzanne woke up and came and told her in no uncertain terms that she was not getting up that early. Then the tirade was on. She stopped in about 45 minutes and began playing with toys so during that I completely woke up, pushed the button on the coffee and read my devotions and journaled. When she settled down again I hit the pillows for another hour. Never dull there! Jack is beginning to sleep through what I cannot sleep through. That is good!
After reorganizing the house and packing I did the sheets and etc on the two beds and Jessi helped get Jack to the car. I brought Cami home for a visit too. I really ached all over today and took several hits of acetemetaphen to get me through. Tonight we had left-overs and not too much of that but we had a late lunch. I am "serial" about getting my weight down and beginning to work out somehow...I forgot the shower chair but need a new one anyway so time to scour the used stores.
Going to the cemetary was good. I liked my relatives and this year have a new perspective of thankfulness for my father. He was emotionally available despite his other flaws. He loved me the best he could with what he was given from his parents and the life he led. As I stood before Gramma and Grampa's graves I said a prayer of thanksgiving and it continued over to Aunt Clara's as well. I believe Jack and I may end up at the LaValle Cemetary and it has a grace and peacefulness to it but I am slightly potted about cemetaries. They usually calm me.
I used to try to go to the ceremony they have at the cemetary about 10 AM but since I began working in Madtown it hasn't worked. So the graves are decorated as a sign of respect for the relationships in my life and in theirs for the ancestors are there as well.
Tonight I watched "The Bachelorette" on ABC and it was a real eye opener. I like Jillian and a few of the men. I dislike David and hope he gets the chute soon. He has so much testosterone that he is over the top. The guy who got a date watching Martina McBride was a definate winner with me. He has a chiseled face, great eyes and a sense of fun and whimsey as well as the serious part. So far he is the only one I think would make the keeper catagory but there are lots we have not gotton to know and a group went home. I don't think one way or the other about Juan but Jillian did a great save when the guys voted him off. She has a great spirit. I also do not like the country singer guy much though he adds interest to the show. The naked pool diver at the cocktail party was like an embarrassing moment for all. Bye Bye Naked Guy!
I await Ash's critique!
Happy Memorial Day! Late but so what as Jack says....

My Plea...without drama.

I am in need of support and help in this endeavor to keep Jack safe and well in his own home as long as possible. I want each of my children to think of what might be possible for them to do to make this work better. I know he feels solitary and alone in his situation. If it is hard to call him then write a chatty note to him every week or two. If you have the ability to visit please do. If you can stay for a few days please help me with some of the upkeep of the house. My list is long and never ending. If you have extra money and want to gift me I need a load of gravel for the driveway and perhaps a ramp or easier entry for him. The laundry room door needs trimwork and there is some painting that could be done. Jessi helped me one day and got so much done that I was relieved and shocked that she could accomplish that much in a day. I appreciate any help from any direction.
Sweet family, I know your lives are busy and complex. I do not want to guilt you or put a burden on you only let you know that I am unable to do all that is needed in a week or a day. I am desperate and this is very out of character for me to ask. I am looking at many things to figure out how to survive.
I am not wonder woman just your drama queen (as Jess reminds me) mom with some concerns and real needs for support and encouragement. If you have expectations of me please come and spend some time and learn of what I am immersed in and how taxing it is. Thanks for your consideration in this matter. I love you all without regard to how much you are willing or able to help me. My love is unconditional.

A Needy People!

My friend Peggy is in hospital with something wrong with her lungs. Her husband is a smoker but she has always tried to avoid the smoke. First they thought pneumonia but pathology said CT scan needed and now coughing up blood and admitted. Please pray.
Jack has some bronchial thing and is coughing a lot. J.S. came over with her steth and listened. Jenna has him today which is really nice as home is better for him when he is sick. He also has fallen 3 times and hurt his back and cut open his head. He is very weak and wobbly. I am doing all I can to encourage him to walk and sit up and hang his head to build strength in the neck muscles. I give him good food and get him chiropractic adjustments and try to make life interesting and give him supplements too. We pray for him and get others to. Sigh. Some things are just beyond me!
I must comment about love in the trenches. When someone is ill either physically or mentally it affects the emotions of love in a way but the true bottom rock dedication to love is not affected when the committment is clear and up front. No candlelight dinners or diamond jewelry, no passionate kisses or hand holding walks, no adventures and goal planning sessions, no heartfelt prayers while united in purpose...nothing to stimulate, not memories or hopes for such but instead something more dear connects me to the word and action of LOVE.
I did not have this committment to Jack when we first married. It was a heartfelt promise with contingencies. It was a contract with loopholes like if he stays mad for two years I get to just walk away for awhile and punish him good...but when I heard the voice of God and returned to Jack in obedience God had a plan for me to learn what Blood Covenant is. I still cannot keep the covenant (my flesh is weak) but He walks it for me just as God did for Abraham. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me....