I cannot explain why but I will tell you my thoughts and what is going on. Jack is more agitated and a bit more aggressive. He is jamming his wheelchair into everything. They will no longer let him have his wheels locked (though I do it when my shins are in danger and I am right there...) as he is in danger of throwing himself over backwards with great force. He has stops but they are not made to withstand the force a 170 pound man can exert. So my time with him is fraught with shin banging at times. He tries to tell me how frustrated he is. His voice is tiny and his teeth no longer fit so he is hard to understand. I hear one sentence I cannot decipher over and over. Lord give me extreme discernment! I do hear him say he wants me to feed him and to stay there with him. He may be wanting to come home as one time he said he wanted the house fixed up. I know his thoughts are always on ways to get out of there and come home. He says he thinks only of me. I have to admit I think of him often too. I soon will be beginning the book. Starting with now and flashing back to days of old. Not to glorify anything but God and how he has changed me. Once I would have run like a scared rabbit at facing this. Now I can stand my ground even when bewildered. The stress of his illness may have increased his agitation and stress where the dementia is going into a different level. I am guessing. There is nowhere to go to find this out. Only guesswork. So I strive to do my best to encourage and pray for him each time I go. To feed him and try to stay positive even when I see the changes in him are not making him popular any longer in the Assisted Living. If everyone else fails I must cling to God and remain faithful. Just saying.....
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